Amandyke just told me shes gonna make my tongue her cum rag. i'm borderline terrified
The guy I fucked in the port a poty just called me and asked me on a date!
Awkward!
No he was cute and I said yes!
When i light up a cigarette people look at of like i'm going to pee on their children.
i just looked up and i was like omg ballsack and then i didnt know what to do
you were going around the whole club telling people to smell ur purse
new excercise plan: walk a mile get a bj then walk a mile home
Some dude just came up to me and stroked my beard, smiled and left. Shave?
yeah, I said "hi, I'm the creepy old guy at the college bar" and she said that she like mature men, wasn't expecting that line to work
Everybody knows the last week of summer internships include showing up to the office hammered and hitting on the CEO
Don't ask me how, but I have a squirrel in my backpack and I don't know what to do with it.
OH DEAR GOD. He looks like if u licked him he'd taste like bourbon, sex and sunshine.
I just did the walk of shame..with a blanket and a cup that says i will out drink all you bitches. This was not how i pictured 25.
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Somehow, you looked so classy chugging that bottle of wine last night.
Randomize
