my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Dear everyone. As mark stated i did the 'piss n run' last night. This is all new to me and it scares me. Again, sorry. "if i could turn back time" -cher
The guy I was getting with last night took off his purity ring mid-sex and threw it across the room.
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
i was taking a dump when this random girl ran in, puked all over my lap, then passed out on the floor
did you bang her?
seriously?
we used a swiffer mop as a stripper pole.
She said, "I don't really go out much, but my husband recently cheated on me" and I don't remember anything after that.
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Oh shit I just realized the ropes are still tied to the bedposts
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I'll make some time for you! I don't know how long you need to get off, but I should only need 2-7 minutes, pending what kind of socks I have on.
no, but he did start crying. who the fuck is 30, covered in tattoos and crys about an ex? get your shit together, man.
Pounded a bottle of Moscato in my underwear while watching Pretty Little Liars...am I really gonna be 30 next year?
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
I'm gonna be late for work because i decided to masturbate and forgot to put my clothes in the dryer
Randomize
