This is the LAST time i'm accepting the excuse "tequila made me do it". Even tequila thinks buying all of nickelback's itunes singles is fucking retarded
Last day of classes. 1st day attending every class. I'm proud of myself
Her exstacy made her nickname everyone David. Nobody knows who the fuck she's talking to so we just say no to everything she says. She's crying.
Well I squeegeed the puke off your arm at the gas station
Does anyone know why "math wizard" is written on my arm?
I will always remember today as the day I narrowly escaped having to touch a tiny penis
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
We ended up debating which Food Network host would do best in porn.
I got a lap dance from a guy last night dressed as a school girl. Heels and all. His heels got stuck in my fish nets
I have a taco in my pocket for later because I am a practical drunk
Just set up my first threesome: a rapper and a Marine. Pretty sure at least 80% of girls in America hate me right now.
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
I mean, we were all drinking, but I'm pretty sure kidnapping came up.
I thought I came here to hook up, not for a Study Abroad 101 session
yeah, I woke up with nacho cheese crusted all over my face and head...a lone jalapeno still stuck in my ear...you win this round drunk nachos....
Randomize
