Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
The view from the bathroom floor this morning is fabulous
Upperdeckered the toilet. Took sombrero off, drawing too much heat. Witnessed glassing. In bush, come findme.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I really am. The stoner chick wants to get a python.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
She is so graceful and lady-like, like a swan... On meth
I'm in my bed. Snow angles in fresh sheets. don't even try to get me out tonight.
If your night didn't end with writing a witness report for the cops at a shwarma place, your night was probably less interesting than mine.
Yeah. Still not happy that my prof saw a picture of my vag.
Taco Bell is giving high school kids free tacos STEAL YOUR BROTHER'S WALLET I'LL BRING THE WEED.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
He tried to do a JoJo pose and wound up breaking his wrist in the process. Truly a story for the ages.
I'm sorry I missed your birthday brunch. If it makes you feel any better I woke up wearing someone else's toga and a sombrero
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