But you know it's love when you find brass knuckles in the same box he keeps his Naruto action figures.
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
My brother brings gifts into my room to wrap them. It's a pizza cutter and a box of condoms..
Remember when we were mad at her for brining her mom on spring break? She just won the wet t-shirt contest. I think we owe her an apology.
Sometimes I think that I have too much self esteem
Then I realize that I'm just really fucking pretty.
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
Fun fact. I am at the police dept. getting served a warrant for unpaid ordinance... and the officer was a one night stand from like 10 years ago.
hey dude, just got with the girl in H4. so mark H off the apartment list
haha we are half through our lease and already checked off 17 letters
The fact that I took a nap during my midterm shows exactly how I handle being an adult
At the very least, I mastered a nap while occasionally being dry humped.
WAKE THE EFF UP THE UBER DRIVER IS TRYING TO TAKE ME HOME
All because of that GODDAMNED MIKE PENCE.
It was great. Except he kept asking me to lick his butthole, I was like firm no
My plan to hit on all your friends went to shit after the 3rd dirty martini.
Consume your own penis you ugly freak.
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