how did your night go?
he asked for my myspace name.
Dude, you just left me a 3 minute voicemail of pop rocks in your mouth. Im sitting right next you
He threw up over the balcony and blamed it on an invisible garden gnome.
I think I might have accidentally had a threesome last night with two good friends. See, this is what happens when you leave me.
MRIs the morning after St. Patty's Day was a poor choice.
I just did the math. 30.36% of girls I've slept with have cheated on a significant other while doing it.
At what point did we decide It was a good idea t have a wheelbarrow race in the parking lot?
I sang again at the bar lastnight I don't think alanis morrset knew when she wrote you outta know that the drunk version was going to be go fuck yourself Josh and Chelsea. I love $2 wells.
He taught me where the gears in a five speed are with his penis.
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
I just got breakfast in bed and he went down on me. And you though he was a bad idea. Shame
She touched my penis and started laughing. She did the same thing when she blew me.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
I just put vagisil on my bug bites how do you think my morning is going
Its like Gods punishment for wanting to party
Randomize
