Do NOT cum in me, on me, or in my bed.
how do we leave politely?
Tell them I'm going into labor. I will spill a beer and tell them m water broke.
If tjhis were a lake full of vodka and i were a ducl Id swim my way down and ddrink my way up
Questioning the dried heart shaped nutella on my boobs. Valentines day has begun.
we knew we'd be okay when we walked up to the dealers house and he asked us to please be quiet as to not wake his nana.
I lost track of him after he threw the handful of pennies at the 2 female cops and ran into the darkness. I heard a tazer and a scream. All that is left is his flip flop. Its like hes drunken man-derella.
He was dressed as ron burgundy and his pickup line was "dont worry, i wont make you jump in a bear pit."
we were sitting in the kitchen and you kept biting my shoulder saying "itll all be over soon"
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
The more I drank he just got hotter and hotter. And then the mustache didn't look too bad
She said she was sober from drugs for a week. All I heard was Kenny Loggins singing Danger Zone.
i feel like if we ever had babies together they would just be drunk all the time
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
I know right. I don't even want to have sex today. I did anyway but that's besides the point.
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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