She told me she only masterbates to Kenny Rogers songs.
OMG. What did u say?
I told her I did too.
Is it 'vaginas' or 'vaginae?'. Either way there were a shit ton of them.
I got a Cease & Desist email from NBC for downloading Bruno. I am not going down for gay porn.
thanks for texting me "so many asians" at 1am...
there were a lot.
I've been thinking about it and if we ever have a threesome it'll start off with us clothed solely in our matching fur vests
You three are like the Bermuda Triangle for morals.
bro, your right, i shouldn't feel embarrassed about taking shots from a penis-shaped ice sculpture
I cnant read. Cheetos goen. Help. Grt Cheetos.
I thought adderall would sober me up, but it did NOT.
Watching the blind side bc I need a good cry to make sure I'm still human after this weekend's questionable life choices
Chick in the reindeer getup puked on Baby Jesus last night. But then she bought us all empanadas so she's cool.
You ever feel like just rubbing your face in everything like a dog?
Uber driver offered to have sex with me since I went home solo. - rock bottom
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Yeah, we got drunk and stole road signs.
Randomize
