On blowjobs: "If you decide to go there, you finish the job. No complaining." I don't care if it sounds like she's talking about Iraq, I'm in love.
I literally ate my thanksgiving dinner while getting a lapdance. And honestly, after that, there is no other way.
She recited Pi throughout ever orgasm she had....she said it was a game she likes to play...how far she gets is how she judges her lovers...I am oddly turned on by this...
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
I dunno if we should get high tonight man. its daylight savings. time travel is just too much for me right now.
I don't know which part of you thought this was funny but it's fucked up to wake up in that much fluff and now we don't have a couch. Fuck you.
Woke up in a pile of people on the floor. His dad was already up and ask me to help him cook bacon because "7 lbs can be a mother fucker"
I either need to get adopted or have someone's baby, but I'm joining that family
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
He let me keep my Michael Jordan Bulls jersey on during sex.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
Well, I'll handle this like I always do. Black the fuck out, make out with randoms, give out my number like candy. You know. Standard operating procedure
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Her blowjob technique? Picture someone attempting to drink a triple thick milkshake through a Capri Sun straw.
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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