i knew she was high when she broke up the cookies into her glass of milk and ate it like cereal
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
Get everyone out of their dorms and watch 3 girls do the walk of shame from my room.
Well today was Thanksgiving Anti-Miracle Daydrinkathon so I had to be drunk by 2pm
Ya well my good-girl image was pretty much blown when he found out I'm going to jail soon.
She's cheated on every boyfriend she's ever had with the same guy. She's like a slutty yo-yo.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
I think I may have walked up to her while she was with her friends and asked for a "do over".
Come over. We have tacos... And girls who took their clothes off. But mainly, tacos.
I asked if he wanted to sext and he just started sending me pictures of his beard.
True love is when you jack off and continue talking to the girl you like
Why do you text me weird shit like this?
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
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