The party theme was heirs and heiress's. Most guys came in polo shirts but he came as the "arch duke of vagina".
you fell asleep spooning with his golden retriever. im not sure if thats more degrading for you or the dog
Even his old football coach jokes about how big it is. I don't want to be alone in a room with him and that monster.
He passes out, I smoke his kush. All's fair in love and a disappointing lack of sex.
She is trying to turtle bite me and when I pull away she says just let it happen. Then she pulled a poptart out of nowhere
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
I gather from Facebook you got drunk last night and took semi naked pictures of yourself?
When he texted me, I got a little wet. Until he asked me to get Jimmy Johns before I got to his house.
I woke up and they were watching power rangers in japanese so I just found my bra and left
Just got arrested in my crocs and rolled up pants with a mr rogers sweater for literally fucking nothing can u come get me?
The problem with having sex on the couch is that your blanket ends up in the laundry and you're left cold on the couch the next day.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
I'm really interested in the size of his penis so report back on that one
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Note to self: make sure the door is locked before the handcuffs go on.
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