We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
He got naked and made a run for the door so I had to stop him.
I'm going through our high school yearbook trying to find what boys I want to hook up with this summer. We graduated four years ago. That's a problem.
Do you think if i wear this shirt with my bengals boxers this kid will fall out of love with me a little bit because that's what I was going for.
just had sex in my dorm hall public bathroom while wearing my favorite cat sweater. tonight was a win
Life should not be this hard with a dick this big.
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
all I remember is them saying he had a big dick and the next thing I know I’m leaving with him
Also you think METH is on the same level of wanting to see the movie cats? We’re gonna unpack that later
You ran the halls of the dorm naked handing out condoms. You were the sex fairy. Best you can do if you're not getting laid.
The bartender remember my drink from last sat. I think we just became drocals...drunk. locals.
Randomize