Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
I'm too high to be shopping. I just contemplated deoderant for fifteen minutes. Now testing pillows
Too late, the blunt's already in my cleavage
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
I'm not about to serve this country to fuckin not have rum and cheezits for breakfast
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
he told me he could still feel the blowjob i gave him last year
wow. THAT good huh
Hey you remember last Super Bowl when I sent you a pic of my testicles? Memories...
Random question: Have you ever woken up and were suprised to not have a penis?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
A picture of a damn cupcake brought back 3 fuckboys
That wasn't even sex. That was a fuckoning
...did you just create a word for what we did?
I JUST WANT TO SIT IN MY UNDERWEAR AND WATCH THE BRAVES GAME AND NOT BE CONSTRAINED BY MY ED SHEERAN SHORTS
I don't know who's idea it was to get wine for a frat party but my poor pitiful hung over self really fucking hates them.
Randomize
