So we tried to 69 with him on top. NEVER TRY IT. His balls were in my eyes and it was terrifying.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
she just made a shot glass out of magazine paper. I love her.
I feel like banging her is an expected thing. But banging you would be like getting a 36 on the ACT.
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
someone just laughed at me while i'm laying on the floor waiting for the bus. like they've never been hungover.
he forgot we were at my place and not his so he tried kicking me out of my own apartment by saying "so, you can go whenever you want...."
The guy next to me just said he wont play beer pong on principle. Im scared.
It's the happiest looking penis I've ever seen. It should have a top hat and a spectacle on and soft shoe across the room with a cane. He's a cheery little feller.
Thanksgiving day drinking ended up with me in a shopping cart screaming where are the bitches and condoms. I'd say it went well.
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
I tried to text you about going to the Lion's Den but sent it to my boss. She was down for it. Please advise.
He was out clubbing with his SON. WHY did you let me KISS HIM? Also WHERE WAS HIS SON?!
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
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