Hey dude. Went to the hospital. Call me when you get up
yo dude i was totally schwabbin last night.
what does that even mean?
you ever see those charles schwabb commercials, where the people are like half cartoon half real.... well yeah i saw that in real life.
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
if i hurry i can finally have sex while stoned off my ass
godspeed.
the sex wasnt even worth changing my sheets
i woke up with "only hugh can prevent florist friars" written up my arm ... i need to know what we did last night
sorry for allegedly lighting the beer pong balls of fire
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
I went back to the party but by then they were all sitting on the floor in the dark listening to we are the champions on full blast.
While looking for socks, I found my mothers sex toy box. Dear god I finally understand where my kinkiness comes from.
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I'm also sorry that I ate your chicken sandwich while you were throwing up....
I was so high last night I honestly think my tears were medicinal
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
You kept saying, "please sir, can I have some more."
Randomize
