he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
No better way to find a friend than to offer cyber sex and see what happens
I have show me your genitals stuck in my head. Except in spanish. Muestrame tus genitals. Tus genitals.
you freaked out because you thought your face lotion was cum in a bottle
Buying weed on Christmas. Gotta love Jewish drug dealers
they have a walk of shame score keeper on their fridge. I marked my tally for him on my way out..
I paid some man $10 for his shirt last night cause I liked it. Explains that. Bought the jackolope head from a street vendor. Got invited to someone's hotel rooftop swimming pool which explains why I was in my bathing suit. My clothes from last night are MIA. Going over the border with no pants on is awkward. Origins of the car rim still mysterious.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Yeah I don't even know dude. This shit has reached new levels of ridiculous. Let's hope baby Jesus gallops down a rainbow on a sparkling unicorn and wills that bitch clean. I think that's the best chance we've got.
He is really drunk but I just found $20 so it's like I am getting paid to babysit
he was like captain planet, but less blue and more nakeed
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I just spent so much time grooming my landing strip and like, sex isn't even on the agenda tonight.
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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