There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
I found your twin in sf. His name is ryan. And you are the evil one.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I'm pretty sure I just had a convo with my hot pockets about how they weren't good enough for the oven.
Are you also wondering how we get home after the party bus?
Home?
Here's how he asked the pregnant girl for a cigarette. Hey yo prego throw me a square. Not joking.
Also, sorry about chilling in just the towel last night. You know I have ADD and somehow even after looking at you, I forgot I'm not the only person living there right now
I just woke up naked next to a GetGo sandwich and I can hear my cats are eating my combos. So that's my life.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
Woke up in a fanny pack with a bag of cocaine on my cheek
You were crying hysterically
So that's why my heels were in the oven...
It happend again, swimming on the floor... Vodka is my friend
So my ex just asked for my address to send me his wedding invitation... in Europe. Awesome.
That’s basically a green light to fuck his dad
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