Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
I was so drunk I accidentally put in two tampons.
I tried to talk you out of it. You were worried about alcohol being a blood thinner.
Her vagina felt like a horse was eating an apple out of my hand..
I'll hook up with guys I don't even like, as long as they leave early enough the next day.
i swear to god her finding her clit was like looking for a sock in a dryer full of beach towels
Cumbucket.....OH MY GOD THAT COMES UP AUTOMATICALLY NOW!!
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
Dude, you chugged an entire bottle of tomato sauce and got us free drinks for the night. No way was I gonna stop you.
Dude, you left ME alone in your house. With your fully-stocked wine cellar. Why would you do that to yourself?
Sometimes I envy you, when I'm not praying for your soul.
You might have to deal with a coked up ex pan American gold medalist wrestler when you get back to the room
why do guys have to express their feelings when they know your seeing someone else ? I fucked him anyways to make him feel better , and to know what he's missing.
Learning to live poor pretty well. Cashed in all the coins in my car for nearly 60 bucks and yelled at a Pizza Hut manager, insisting I have a free pizza credit, until he just gave me a pizza.
im tired of guys just wanting to hook up with me. im like, guys, i know im pretty and i have a slammin bod and i love making out, but cant someone treat me with respect??
Randomize
