If I don't come home tonight, I've died in a pile of gay.
i just walked into a room at this party and someone yelled "dibs!"...
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
I love family holidays its the only time when playing beer pong, and smoking hookah with my family isnt looked down upon
I think you missed the wrong class. Im pretty sure we were taught how to buy cocaine.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
I woke up from my nap, looked out my window, and saw about bout 6 people get tasered in less than 20 seconds.....could someone please tell me what's going on.
mid-sex i was thinking.. these are not the right balls slapping me
Half of elefante. Gelafin galaxy
He hasn't left the hospital without a nurse's number all year. My nurses are always ugly or men. Wtf bro
Because of my cut offs, my brother is convinced I fucked a girl so hard she forgot to take her pants. Fairly accurate.
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
I mean, I'm shallow, narcissistic, and selfish, but I'm an amazing friend sometimes
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
She's kind of holyer-than-thou, like god himself came down and said "please cock block your roommate at every opportunity, and if you think she's thinking of sex, tell her she's a whore"
Randomize
