Do ugly people know they are ugly?
The quiet ones do.
all nice guys are gay and all hot ones are assholes
You're fat. Stop making excuses
I just used dish soap as body wash. I smell like a dishwasher exploded. isn't the end of the semester fun?
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
Btw...pregnancy boobs are amazing. I don't recommend pregnancy in general but the boobs are good.
He calls it "his noble steed" and i plan to ride it.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Well anything after a French guy would have been a disappointment. But I'm fairly certain he was just trying to masturbate into me.
do you still have a key to my apartment? Without going into too much detail locked myself out naked on the patio, currently using a deck cushion to cover myself so kids walking home from school dont see me
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Can you work for me at 4? We might have just taken some drugs we found in the couch and... end of story
My dad found me naked curled up under a towel on the couch with a fucking tub of butter and a spoon. Ambien Mondays are dead
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
Just cropdusted a little kid that wouldn't get out of my way in Kroger. Welcome to the real world bitch.
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