I must be too annoying 4 u.
Just saw a group of asian tourists in safari outifts bow in thanks to the starbucks guys. And no Im not high.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
She rolled a blunt with one hand...and instantly I had a boner, I'm going to marry this girl.
We were making out and then he stopped and said to me, "Your ship is right there, why don't you take your people and just go?"
Your my favorite hello and hardest goodbye.
And I especially mean that last part, half the time you pass out somewhere and it is impossible to get you to leave.
she puked as i came inside her. that has to mean something.
I can't. I will literally throw up my liver
Why dont you be an ebola patient for halloween? You can totally throw up and itll be part of your costume.
You were definitely doing something right. You could only see the colored parts of his eyes a couple of times. I was pretty sure he was dead at some point.
Santa brought me a 1.75 of wine, and a liter of patron. I probably won't remember Christmas, so don't ask me how it was tomorrow.
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
she and her cat are both sick as fuck so they just sat there looking at each other with her nose dripping on the cat's. both out of fucks
yeah that bottle of rum is only the second thing I want that kid to be pulling out of his pants
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
Why is the floor coated in a 2 inch blanket of popcorn??
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