she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
Her husband keeps getting drunk and making out with me. Good news is I found the strep carrier. Bad news is have strep again.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I think i blacked out...but i remember licking your teeth
I don't want to talk. I just want to motorboat those tits
you kept introducing yourself to guys as "never going to happen"
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
How do I have sand in my vagina if we were an hour away from the beach?
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Aka I'm headed to the liquor store because I don't know how to handle my emotions.
he's been 21 for 38 minutes and he's already trying to fist fight this dude over his girl
awwwww babys first drunken mistake
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Nana added me on facebook...i think i'll have to call her and warn her about my lifestyle before i confirm her as a friend.
Randomize
