I just made what I can safely estimate to be a 900 calorie pb&j. Fuck a serving size.
thats what you get for writing a paper after liquor pitchers
its only a rough draft.
and I think you ate the old crusty spaghetti on the counter when we came home last night judging by the carnage
Ps this homeless dude just came in hotel bar w a sword sticking out his jumpsuit trying to buy a drink w a 3rd party check
What's the right thing to say when he sends me a picture of his penis ?
One guy got his nose broke and was playing with it. Then another guy was playing beer pong off his horse.
Strange request but for my birthday you should get me one of those vibrators that you can plug into your iPod that go along with the music.
So note to self oboe reeds soaked in Apple Rubinoff sound GREAT.
thought a girl was checking me out today. took me like 5 minutes to realize it was a mannequin
He also has scotch. LOTS AND LOTS of scotch. I think you'd like him!
That is always a wonderful personality trait!
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
You just want me for my pizza coupons and my penis.
I'm a lady who knows what she wants in life, and that's uncommitted dick.
He let me eat chexmix while we fucked... I think I love him.
Hot or not, she’s from Boston. It’s hard to nut when she sounds like Mark Wahlberg
Randomize
