I'm putting on too much make up bc I'm stoned
You picked the wrong day to call in sick. She's wearing the librarian glasses today.
Con: they had to cauterize my wound twice. Pro: The docs agreed I'll be able to get really drunk tonight since I've lost so much blood.
sound pretty economical
I just had a dude tell me how he got fired from friendly's for tripping a kid and followed the story with "If i'm gonna do it, I do it big."
Seeing Harry Potter 3D stoned: Pro- giant redheads w/cute accents. Con-weeping for stoners who only had Pink Floyd laser shows.
he squeezed my boobs like he didn't know what else to do with them, then turned down head...
told you he was gay.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
I just saw a girl on crutches doing a walk of shame. She is either super dedicated, or her night didn't go as planned.
whoa! who said he's my boyfriend?
Oops. Sorry. That guy you keep accidentally running into in public. And at home. And with your vagina.
Adults smoke weed in footie pajamas man. You just gotta accept me for who I am.
We bought a pool from walmart at 2am...and to make matters even more white trash we headed to Applebee's for half off appetizers and corona-ritas
I should send him a pic of my crotch with the caption "thanks for the memories"
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
School starts Thursday. Don't fling yourself out of the car to throw up screaming "classy" before I park this time.
It's a new year.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Randomize
