i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
it makes more sense than having a misplaced asshole
im not talking about this
Internet sex stories have completely ruined the word sopping for me.
He also has a monumental penis. It's unbelieveable. I'm sorry but he's perfect.
No, he attached a coozie to his crutches so he can carry his beer around the party.
I'm posted up in the bathroom at au bon pain, high as balls, experimenting with eyeshadow combinations and listening to 90s jlo. The girl in the stall next to me just plopped a big one and I laughed, hope I ruined her day
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
Sorry I didn't answer your call last night, I was peeing on the driveway.
To give you an idea, there's a group upstairs trying to break down a door with their fists and heads.
It's getting harder and harder to fake orgasms as I get older.
Currently playing charity bingo with coworkers so if u were ever gonna send a dick pic now is the time
He got hotter. I'm offended on behalf of the rest of our graduating year.
I just tripped over a but plug that was on the floor. It's 430 in the morning
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
i literally have the attention span of a weasel on steroids, but yeah, i know who you’re talking about.
Randomize
