No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
i had a dream last night that you and i organized a foursome. swear to god
ps i'll be in miami in early july. this text has no relation to the last one
Brogan sounds similar to Bridget...sorta.
Every girl's name is automatically translated to "Baby/Milk Carrier" in my brai
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
I just had a heart to heart with a stripper I'm becoming a dentist.
matt and i tucked you in... you REFUSED to move your head from under the bed.
I think I wrote "thanks for the free alcohol!!!" in their wedding guest book and I'm almost positive I signed my name
Also adulthood=replacing meals with bourbon. And not getting your hair caught in a fan.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
do you ever wish you could like, jerk your heart off and be, like, emotionally satisfied? it'd feel like cuddling.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
Is it good porn? Or is it more of that fucked up Cabbage Patch Doll porn you made us watch
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