Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
he told me he expects me to keep the fangs on when i go down on him. presumptuous, yes, but man after my own heart.
All I wanted was a "this is what America feels like" blowjob before I left. Is that too much to ask for?
I was cracked out naked on a toilet pretending I was posing for playboy.. Shit got weird, but apparently I had a good bday.
So did he inherit the massive family cock?
:(
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
If you're funny as hell and have a mustache, odds are I'm probably gonna fuck you
If you bring home Chipotle tonight I'll give you an epic bj...ball play and all #datenight
There's a stripper getting there at 10 though so hopefully I'm out before the stripper gets there. I don't have time to deal with a stripper.
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
It's gonna be me and some oreos tonight. Basically like sex
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he's such a nice guy...he deserves a bigger dick.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
Randomize
