I got a call from 999 999 9999. I didn't answer it because I was too busy freaking out about the number.
It was probably Jesus.
I feel like he would have left a message.
U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
Bad news is he broke up with me via text message
But the good news is I've returned as mayor of whoreville
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
Just hit him with your car. I can guarantee he won't do it again.
You know what I'm hearing? Blah, blah, blah, I have pneumonia, blah, blah, blah, I'm a quitter. COME OVER AND PUT YOUR PENIS INSIDE ME.
ahhhh just came to creep and you're not there AND your thong you were wearing last night is on the floor..someone has some explaining to do
I think I'm goin to jail but either way I had a blast.
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Someone just needs to roll me into a blanket burrito and feed me drugs
His face will be in my vagina later so I'm willing to forgive.
Someone's gotta tell him drunk sex comes before dating
Randomize
