Do you know how easy it would be to shoplift if I was a magician?!
I actually kind of like the booze poos. It's like a colon cleanse. I feel skinnier.
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
He's got a pretty small dick but he's a total sweetheart. I'm gonna buy a new dildo and just deal with it.
Just seen a scantily clad pirate with 2 36 packs of natty ice on a bike riding with no hands. If she doesn't hit a speed bump she's golden and should be on the next Americas got talent.
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
Go for gold. Two birds with one vag.
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
Black magic does not go near my vagina, it's a rule
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
If you're not my stylist, having sex with me, or agreeing to have sex with me don't fucking touch my hair.
Did you at least know who's jizz it was?
That is questionable.
I am now gainfully employed. Parents, lock up your children.
Yay! Welcome to the world of "you're seriously trusting me with your kid?"
Randomize
