David Carradine died? Should I be thinking about this 10 min before my interview?
Haha just ref him when they ask a questin about kung fu which they will since ur Asian
A stripper just got mad at me for saying goddammit. She's in no position to lecture me on morality
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
It's too hard to jack off and hold an ipad at the same time
You remember those guys we called the police on after they stole our keg? Turns out one of them is a student instructor in one of my classes. Figuring out how best to use this information.
A baby just go on our party bus. What. The. Fuck.
Just caused a nice traffic jam while trying to park at Costco. Too high to drive.
You insisted we put glow sticks on you so that we didn't lose you if you went pee in the dark.
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
Just heard a girl ask "Wait you're not my boyfriend?!" to a guy wearing the Mickey to her Minnie Mouse on my way home. Made me feel better about myself.
He pretended his dick was a samurai sword and that he was slaying me with it is it bad I still wanted him to fuck me
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
the yoga instructor with the "dirt" and "roots" tattoos is seriously mother nature. i get my period after ever session i have with her. i'm trippin' balls over it.
Randomize
