Don't worry about later. I already pre-ordered a pizza for a 1:45 delivery and told them to ignore any calls from your number.
You're getting good at this, you know that?
you're dressed like that and you're on the rag, that's false advertisment
Dont forget the glove box taco bell stash i saved for drunk us.
My only regret is that we didn't pee on our neighbors Prius
Shrimp lo Mein doused in green apple Smirnoff is a rare delicacy only a few get to experience..guess I should consider myself lucky
they paper machayed me.
i told you ... never pass out drinking with preschool teachers.
I'm pretty sure at any given moment you could wring out my liver and get a couple of shots of jäger.
You made out with two different species that night
A valentines day commercial would come on while I'm masturbating...
We'd like to invite you to our threesome! Lingerie is encouraged and drinks will be provided. Next Friday, roommate night, my bedroom. Hope to see you there!
I was just at the gas station and happened to look left and see a girl blowing some guy. How was your night?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Apparently the girl he banged in the bathroom yelled at him for hitting on me all night. But whatever, he was holding her hand for most of it
Who told you he won a fight? He slammed his face into the ground while trying to do 11 push-ups
Hey long story short Grandma needs bail money.
Randomize
