Found a phone last night. Hope "daddy" gets picture messages
I skipped class, don't know why though bc all I did in the meantime was cook pancakes and watch infomercials..my life sucks
Just opened a beer with eyelash curlers... miss you.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
Her eyebrows were plucked so thin that she had to have gonorrhea. Clean girls just don't pluck that way
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Maybe I'm nitpicking, but that looked more like how one would jerk off an elephant than it did playing air guitar.
It's 11:50 on Friday the 13th. There's a full moon. AND the bride to be just puked on herself while getting a lap dance from a stripper named...wait for it....LUCKY. Is this real life?
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
No fair. I need a fuck buddy to entertain me till the power comes back on
I woke up saran wrapped to a chair....
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Did you hear about the guy wearing a spiderman mask running around naked with a bottle of patron?
Yeah.
I was spiderman.
The only good thing about being back at work is supply room boom boom with my office husband
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