U Should have said " it's ok baby most girls Sh*t when I do that.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I AM OVULATING LIKE A STEAM ENGINE.
It's okay, I climbed on the roof of the bar to get my shoe back. This may become a Saturday tradition. I'll keep you updated
Ask him about a girl named Meg then give a disappointed and disapproving face.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
Printed off fake 'Producer' Sundance badges for us. Pretty sure they double as free passes for getting laid by 'actresses'. Testing this theory tonight.
Bathroom attendant appreciated that hug I have him as a tip. Fucking BROKE these days.
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
2 things: 1) can you get hep from toilet water? And 2) do you know where we can get a new skillet for cheap?
Please tell me those aren't related.
I made rice.
Best thing she said after I kicked her out "rugby guys have single handedly ruined my faith in men"
But being sober is boring. Everything takes so long, I feel like I'm just waiting in line to die.
If you ever get divorced...would you call me??
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
Randomize
