well recently, every guy I have hooked up with has been economy sized
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
She has her iPod in her ears slippers and sweats on and is walking around the house up and down the stairs getting "exercise" she just stopped for a water break
Why the fuck is BBQ sauce coming out of my shower head?
Mom just texted me to see if it was you who was streaking at the Mariner game... Did you accept yet another $1 bet?
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
I wouldn't be too worried. He's been known to chase a chubby before.
THAT IS NOT HOW YOU TALK TO YOUR SISTER
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with someone crawling around my carpet for 3 hours trying to pick up spilled coke...
I never thought my Saturday night would end up with ME crawling around your carpet for 3 hours trying to save my investment.
He wanted me to come over on Christmas...inviting your fuck buddy over for the holidays is just something you don't do.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
I feel like I put a fire out with my hand but idk if that was a dream or not
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
Randomize
