She had a bottle of NAIR in her bathroom, but she clearly hadn't been using it.
shes trying to light up her bowl in front of the fan. everytime it blows it out she just gives it a dirty look.
It's like that depressing moment when you drop your cocaine in the snow.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
That was an excessively violent trivia night
Things I learned last night: 1. Bacardi 151 is a one-way ticket to the toilet, 2. It is possible for a human being to turn into Mount Vesuvius
A white limo full of drunken 30 something business people pulls up next to me and asks if they can kidnap me until 1030. If I don't make it back tonight, call someone and tell them I died gloriously
She keeps asking if I've seen him... For the last time YES... IN MY BED LAST FRIDAY NIGHT AND THEN AGAIN SATURDAY MORNING
Also, even though this really sucks now, we will look back on this one day and laugh at the time we all got arrested on Thanksgiving
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Well, I woke up on a roll-away, with a knot in the back of my head and penis confetti stuck to me. Also, I apparently literally gave the shirt off my back right before I passed out, so I was topless. Vegas won this trip.
Woke up with champagne in my hair and honey mustard on my hands. Strangely, I'm okau with this
Only you could go on vacation to visit family and hook up with a pro NFL player from Tinder
I drank a fishbowl of liquor and next thing I know I'm sliding into Zach Galifinakis' DMs
There is a wine bar at this airport that it is currently full of mid-40s women reading their Kindles. I'm attracted to all of them.
It's 11 A.M.
You know what, I think I will
Randomize
