They should really pass out barf bags in church
Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
Nothing says I have a hang over like telling your boss to "eat your shit"
They should try giving mcdonalds to cancer patients because it just cured the worst hangover ive ever had
just fucked two guys in less than 12 hours. i miss this part of being single.
and by single i mean slutty
Seriously he's so hot. And it's so hard to flirt with a deaf guy
I swear the pregnant cashier was jealous when I bought my plan B
I wouldn't fuck her. Looks like her vagina smells like a seaside orgy.
Dude. It just hit me for a second time. My thumbs are huge and moving very quickly. Like stampeding buffalo...
It's such a good feeling to send those "I'm not in jail" texts on Sunday morning
Well I'm going to San Francisco next weekend for pride. I'm sure I'll end up drunk and on a beach at some point.
Not gonna lie: had to look up how to spell fellatio. Not sure I spelled it right even now. Looks like a Shakespearean character. ENTER FELLATIO, SOLILOQUIZING.
That was fun and all, but let's never have sex on a ladder ever again.
i am not an asshole. i paid for her to take a cab home.
dude, we were in ann arbor. she's from cincinnati. ten bucks didn't even get her back on I-94. i maintain my position. you are indeed an asshole.
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
