so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
The little things make me happy. Little dicks do not.
he came over wasted, used the bathroom, drank some water, and fell asleep holding my hand. what kind of a fuck buddy does that??
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
gave myself the "you're a really good girlfriend" talk on the way to where i intentionally cheated on him. i am my own drunken therapist.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
THEY'RE. IN. YOUR. BED. THEY RANDOMLY SHOW UP. AND GET IN YOUR BED.
I took an adderall. This is weird. My eyes are really wide open and I am really good at staring. I've written on 9 peoples walls and updated my status. I am getting shit DONE!
Drink a bottle I wine by yourself? Treat yo self
I have a fever. Last thing I need to do tonight is be elbow deep in old lady pussy.
On my way to get pizza I followed a dog into Salvation Army where I was just hired
I'm pretty sure I imagined the dog... They still hired me
Oh we were great hosts that night. We made sure to leave all the beds open by passing out on the bathroom floors instead.
ok I know you arent happy with the way we ended but paying someone to pass me an STD is TOTALLY FUCKED!!!
I might attempt to pee into a cup while driving. I'll let you know how it goes.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
Randomize
