mmm whisky
reminds me of losing my job
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
$22.99 left in the bank til payday = 3($7 jack & coke) + 2($0.89 T-Bell taco) + $0.21 in case of emergency.
math is fun
It felt like getting blasted with a supersoaker filled with vagina juice.
The last thing I remember is sitting in a chair and him hand feeding me bell peppers
First booty call in Europe.. In Barcelona. With a German. In broad daylight.... Is that how they do it here?
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
Im sorry i offered the man at mcdonalds your hand in marriage in exchange for some french fries
Dude, don't put me in a suit and feed me liquor; I'll never go home.
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
bought a large fruitopia from McDonalds at 7:45 this morning. Spilled it on the ground. Cried. THAT hungover.
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
Remind me later when I want to buy more drinks that there's a 20 in my bra
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