my mom walked in on my vaccuming.......i wasnt vaccumming
i effin hate jeff goldbloom.
but i totally would still bang him
Its a sad day when your bush has a better set of hair than you do
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
You should really come over right now. There's hot construction workers across the street. I'm gonna go pour beer on myself in a bikini on the sidewalk. See you in 5?
What kind of person begs for a BJ from someone who just got their wisdom teeth out?
He just turned 21, it's very obvious the end of their relationship is near. Now we play the waiting game.
I can't find my underwear or one of my shoes but he baked me cookies for breakfast.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
We watched game of thrones, broke up and I drove away blasting ridin solo while he dougied
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Should I put the money for my dealer in a Christmas card? You know, make it more frstive?
Life without a bra equals bliss.
you tried to drunkinly do the backflip kick off of karate kid and broke the big screen
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
Randomize
