Well for one thing, she was eating rice with a shot glass.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
So I have the hangover from hell, spent all night puking, and there's a septic tank truck parked outside the house literally pumping shit. You win God.
still in the ER. she tried to shotgun a bottle of corona
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
Her facebook status said "just got a sign from god". I texted her and apparently she found a slice of pizza in the shower.
You almost married that.
We found him sitting in a beach chair in the basement storage room passed out. Idk if we should move him or pass the bowl around.
I'm all set for mothers day, I let her beat me in beer pong.
I would go a lot of places to get laid. But I would NOT go to Staten Island.
Wine is the only reason I'm making it in the real world
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
We need to borrow someone's dog. Just so we can non-creepily go to PetSmart and watch all the other dogs take photos with Santa
The house across the street caught on fire today, Drunk people high centered their car tonight. Looking out my front window I get to watch police chases all the time. I am going to miss this place.
Yeah. I hurt his pride. But he's not over it. And by it I mean me.
I brought coffee but not enough for the naked guy on your porch
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