remind me to tell you what i found stuck to me this morning
mom and dad sent me an easter basket full of beer pong supplies again.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
We just saw him running from campus police a few minutes ago. So no, I don't think he's still passed out on the quad.
She told me my dick looked like a baby seal wrapped in a sleeping bag.
Are we doing anything tonight after class for Valentine's Day or just being lazy and having sex?
If you expect me to say anything other than 'lazy and sex' you're crazzzzy!
Well, we broke up and instead of putting my shit out on the curb like a normal person, she fucking donated everything to Goodwill. So now I have to pay two dollars for one of my own t shirts.
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
I didn't think I was even that high but when we were standing in the cop car's headlights I totally forgot how to use my arms
The number of threesomes I have agreed to seems to increase every time I talk to you drunk...
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
You told your boyfriend he needed to fuck you in the tree because it would make you guys one with nature.
Did he?
Shut up. I hate you. We're doing shots tomorrow. Fuck the consequences.
Do you think Root Touch Up or Just for Men would work better on pubes?
My nipples are raw, I've yet to go to bed, I feel like death, and I'm at work. Thank you jack, crown, and Lafayette!
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