sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I got vodka in my stocking. Having an alcoholic mom has paid off.
It all boils down to, who else do we know that is willing to buy our friendship?
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
I am going to wait until he wakes up to set his couch on fire and then pee it out. That way he knows it was not an accident.
Are you sure you didn't shit in my back yard?
i told the cop we knew everyone at the party, it was 250 of our closest friends and she's like funny nobody on the balcony knew whose house this was
Thats why they were on the balcony!
Did you miss the part about my hangover needing a day to rest?
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
You said you brought chipotle into a movie and I asked you to marry me and you said yes
It's a good thing my liver is flexible because a lesser man would be dead
I woke up and there was a mans ass as my screensaver...
im looking at the positives. number one it stopped me from hooking up with vince infront of his girl, number two it gave me something to do instead of throwing up and number three i fuckin rocked his world
Be there in a sec. We have to stop at Target to buy her underwear first.
I think I'm taking after my dog, I just want to hump everything
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