oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
Peanut butter while high is kinda stressful
Even my Russian and Serbian roommates think I drink to much.
No I'm not proud of you for not sleeping with him. He has herpes. You don't get a gold star for behaving how you're expected to. Trust me. I'm a teacher.
We thought we had lost her until we found her in the bushes a block away singing "Jingle Bells".
I'm gonna make a mold of your dick so I can make popsicles
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
I just used a baby fork as a roach clip. I am totally the cool aunt.
I swear to all that is holy, next time you get my mom high with your "special bake sale" I am going to put your dick in the blender.
Just got to her place. Her parents are here and are high as a kite.
Her father just game me a high 5 as they left the room. Her mom leaned in and said "this is a rebound thing"
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
I think my FWB just broke up with me and i don't know how I feel about that
what are you getting to drink for new years?
well seeing as how i just got diagnosed with a uti, whatever we can mix with cranberry juice
Did you poop on the roof?
WTH?
Is that a no?
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