she farted while i was going down on her. not doing that again
I just remembered Dan asking me all polite in the middle of sex "do you mind if I get behind you?" that was the most polite way I've been asked to do it doggy style
How fortunate humanity is that it need not rely on the female orgasm for procreation
My dick was out way too much saturday not to get laid
I just feel like I should give it a rest. I'm too old to be drinking bottles of grey goose and falling into koi ponds.
she sent me pictures of 3 different vaginas and if I could pick which one was hers i could sleep with her.
I was always good at matching as a child.
just walked past the recycling bin in class, there's keystone cans in it. go cougs.
I dont think that yelling at the medic "Christmas is gone, fuck off santa" was the best idea when you couldnt feel your legs.
Dude. My cat just tried to bat the tampon string hanging from body. NOT COOL, SEYMOUR. NOT COOL.
I must be the strongest person who ever managed to get knocked down by a pug.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
Not gonna make it. My ovaries are playing laser tag
If I learned anything from that one time I saw the last 10 minutes of oprah when they talked about the secret, it is that you project what you receive back. I also have wine.
Never in a million years thought I would have to put jello shot recipe/equation into an excel spreadsheet
Definitely the only person to buy 2 handles a 2 bottles of champagne & 3 thirties while wearing a fanny pack
Randomize
