My parking ticket this morning was 30bucks. I feel like I'm paying the city to fuck you.
I know the vomits not mine cause its on my back.
If you weren't supposed to have sex with your ex then they wouldn't rhyme.
So at what point while he was throwing up on the girl next to him did you think "yeah, im going to hit that"
Just saw an old lady vomit in a trash can at the airport. I instinctively called her a pussy. College has ruined us.
Heads up. We filled your kiddie pool with kool-aid and vodka. Things are about to get Out. Of. Hand. Quickly.
I just imagined your drunkass eating Taco Bell in my living room. This is the Godmother of my potential child.
found used condoms and an omlet in my uggs. I'm disgusted but not surprised.
i don't think i ever formally apologized for that time i threw up on your dog.... well...here it is...
So apparently the only parts of last night I remember didn't actually happen.. When did vodka become a hallucinogen?
Is it counter productive to ride on my exercise bike with a cocktail in hand?
I GOT THE PAPER IN AT 11:58
EAT MY ENTIRE ASS COM 101
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
You called your ex, and talked to her for an hour about how you miss her, came back inside and asked the girl with the biggest tits if you could take a pic with your face in them and sent her the picture.
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Randomize
