Apparently throwing up on his dick didnt convince him to stay away . . . whats the most indirect way of saying "im just going to continue avoiding you"?
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
I walked in and you were laying on the floor bleeding everywhere half asleep half crying and moe was at the kitchen table eating frozen pizza refusing to acknowledge you. What a sight.
You did a line of free coke with an obese Slovenian unlicensed cab driver in the toilets of the most questionable strip club in the country. New low man.
When you put it like that, I'm inclined to agree.
I have a hunch Mama J got around.
Am I allowed to say that about my own mom?
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He's the only guy without a tacky accent I've seen in this southern dump in 6 months. Bangage was inevitable.
You're such a Yankee.
It's two in the afternoon, I'm on my third glass of wine and I'm watching Lambchop on youtube. How do you think I feel right now?
I might run out into oncoming traffic. Id rather break my legs and/or die then continue with today.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
Idk if I deserve a medal or a one way ticket to hell
If I don't get struck by a lightning bolt from God by midnight it will be a Christmas miracle.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
I just met him at a place called the meat farm, Jesus be a shield.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
