your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
i don't think my life will be extraordinarily more meaningful if i let him put his tongue in my butthole.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
I legitimately woke up with a girl trying to snort cocaine off my dick.
He kept trying to order 'sex on the tennis courts' for a drink last night
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
Someone is in my phone as "fireball girl" and keeps texting me. How do I go about finding out who it is?
Can I also remind you that we insisted on touching his mustache?
Well of course I remember it took up like 20 minutes of my night.
You haven't lived until you've snorted coke from a Pharaoh's hand baby
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
The orgasm I got from him made me feel almost as good as I imagine the girls in the tampon commercials feel.
He found out about your side hoe and still helped you try to find a lizard that got in the house
I threw up in the bathtub last night like a decent human being.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
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