if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
the last three girls i tried to get with all believed in abstinence... i think gods trying to keep me from being a father
i think girls just don't want to fuck you
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
My summer fucks are coming back to haunt me with a vengeance.
He fell off the roof... he clearly has not been preparing for summer.
He kept making me pretend I was his personal trainer. When I swallowed his cum he made me pretend I was drinking a protein shake. Thats actually what it tasted like.
she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
I dove into a random van at the bar as the door was closing and ended up at some house with people I've never met in my life dancing in a basement
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Well, she chose the fuckboy life or the life chose her. Not sure which one but either way I don't need that negativity in my life.
I woke up in my bed with candy and beer bottles all around me and i dont know where any of it came from. I love valentines day.
everything I love is going to destroy me, so if coconuts are the answer, so be it.
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