its easy. just sleep with a bunch of guys until one falls in love
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
So I woke up today with someone's door knob in my pocket. I hope everbody else got out of the house ok.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I can't tell you what you just drank, that would ruin the point of Mystery Monday.
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
He says we're "annoying" but that's an odd word to describe a couple of heroic liquor saiyans
I don't need my coworkers thinking I'm a nutcase.
You gift wrapped a tampon.
I'm currently giving my drug dealer relationship advice. He's a nice guy and all but I'm really just hoping I get some free weed
So I was just like hi, I'm your roommate's gf. Please don't hate me. That would be rly inconvenient for you.
2016 was supposed to be my year of being a ho, but I guess 2017 might be too.
We were dancing and then he pointed to the club floor and there was money that I dropped everywhere. That was the nicest thing someone has ever done for me.
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
Randomize