i just made my gag reflex go away.
How are YOU going to look? Buying 40's on Christmas eve.
drunk old tina is grateful for 14 yr old tina for placing glow-in-the-dark stickers on my light switch...just avoided so many injuries
I just heard "I just let you finger me on Megabus, I clearly don't have standards".
I AM SENDING THIS TEXT MESSAGE SO I DON'T LOOK AT HIM. THANK YOU FOR RECEIVING IT.
I'd bet your vomit would be flammable at this point. Can I try to light it?
We wouldn't be friends if you didn't.
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
Obviously. I'm here to let you eat things off my boobs and help you get laid.
I've now spilled wine and got poptarts all over my cast. So much for my doc taking me seriously...
I think I've been inadvertently participating in a contest to see how many times I can show up to work hungover in my first year of teaching. And I'm the only participant. Not sure if I'm winning or losing.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
His mom knocked on the door during morning sex because we were being too loud...now i have to meet her for the first time
Randomize
