Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Woke up to a bouquet of flowers in my toilet bowl. Drunk hubby loves me.
It's going to be great. We're a perfect team to break up marriages and happiness.
That combination of brocholi bacon eggs cheese ketchup and pasta would have been a revaltion had you not thrown up on the stove and put out the pilot light
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
I got home and laid by the toilet and then alexa laid in the bathtub and sang the preamble while kayla held my hair
Just managed to stab myself in the ass with a fork. I feel that as my best friend, I'm obligated by friend code to inform you of that sort of thing.
This is irresponsible on your part, leaving me alone in a bar.
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
Thanks for your faith in my ability to stay sober while writing final essays. It's...unearned.
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
I mean metaphorically. Literally zombies have yet to invade. Let's be rational here.
for future reference, singing eye of the tiger outside my door while i am having sex makes me incredibly uncomfortable
apparently not uncomfortable enough for you to stop
You’re going to be a doctor, and I’m going to be a trophy wife. We both have goals
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