At least we lost an hour tonight! Less time to make a fool of myself
Tell her to GTFO!!!!! JAI HO!!!!!
Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
My boobs are too big for things to be going this downhill in my life.
I think my hopes are too high for this one. The only other bachelorette party I've been to I was felt up by a Chippendale's dancer and smoked a joint with the party bus driver.
I feel like it'll be a success as long as she doesn't end up dead in a ditch. There has to be a line somewhere.
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
The drunk mom in a firefighter hat just told her to leave.
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
I was fed cake in bed and then was pinned down and ridden till I came. And then fed more cake. I'm going to marry Brad. I'll put money on it.
The Wolf of Wall Street “I ain’t fuckin’ leaving!” speech when the cops broke up your party though...
dude, I felt like being high in a Santa hat and eating five boxes of cookies was right for today.
I mean really am I setting up a snapchat when I'm 40 so I can send nudes to my 23 yr old bf? yes, yes I am. Where is my life heading.
The guy I slept with in AZ just called and is moving here next week.
Randomize
