2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
I was so high that i was talking shit about a girl I was with via text, and I handed the phone to her so she could type the shit I was trying to say.
Last time I saw him the sun was coming up and he was asleep in the student wellness parking lot. For some reason people were peeing on him.
another part of my inner child died when i emptied my crayon bank for dollar beer night.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the bar didnt serve shots so jim ordered us jaeger neat. it worked.
"DO YOU LIKE FLYING KITES" WORKED AS A PICKUP LINE. SUCK IT.
The cleaning lady has moved my vibrator twice now so I would say I'm pretty ready to move out.
NO TEQUILA
Why do I always think it's a good idea? Like a challenge? Shit maybe I should CHALLEGE myself to get laid for once instead
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
The best part about theater chicks is nothing is too cliche or out of line. I just fucked her Braveheart style in my entry way while saying goodbye.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
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