I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
She's got an ass you could write the declaration of independence on in one line. Takes up three bar stools.
she's got a whisker from her dead cat taped to the wall. I'm pretty sure that about sums it up...
Last night you tried to pee on my bed...in the hallway...your room...and the showers. When I finally got you on the toilet you passed out.
I decided that Calgary can keep my underwear. They earned it.
I feel like having peed on eachother is a point in our lives we should never have gotten to...
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
Last thing I ever expected to say, "Get your finger out of my ear or I will stop sucking your dick."
I'm treating this like a real date. My boobs aren't even out.
I'm so proud, I have tears
BUT I think maybe Thursday in celebration of America we should probably tan and see how fast we can finish everything in the liquor cabinet.
His dick's name has evolved from Sebastian to Big Daddy to Barbara Streisand to Barbara Walters. I think the transformation is finally complete.
Eh, I don't question what my penis likes. It just does what it does.
Drunk me really needs to stop 1. telling every attractive dude in a relationship that monogamy isn't real 2. Proposing threesomes with them and their girlfriends
My penis definitely considers my Captain Cock costume a success
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
Randomize
