If there was an emoticon for a sad penis, i would send it to you
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
He made me cum so much, I almost let him spend the night. The operative word being "almost".
It's weekends like this that make it obvious why we have to pay to come to college.
Get in the lobby, you have to sign my boxers
We got kicked out after you decided to chase your shot using the soda gun behind the bar.
Honestly... isn't she a psych major? how does she go through life NOT realizing that everything she does is a cry for help?
You will never truly trust yourself until you have shaved your armpits, legs, and vagina in the dark.
It's like some sort of initiation to finger one of them... so I did it. And got high fived afterwards like a dozen times.
Those were right hand only?
Side note. I love it when I think I've sobered up and then I get a second wind of drunk
What! You have to go to class. Otherwise, you're wasting money that could have been spent on weed. Gotta get that shit in perspective.
I'm hoping you were seen by someone holding a frozen turkey at 230 in the morning
Dude we need to hang out soon. I'm in the mood to get arrested again.
This is like the fourth time this month I've woken up hungover in someone's backyard
I'm a delicate orchid of a man.
Blossoming into a fierce dragon.
Randomize
