his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
i wonder if she gts uncomfortable walkin bu when she knows we all know what her pussy tastes like
you jizzed all over me and yelled "makeover"
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
Just called the bar: "hi this is the girl who you kicked out for excessive bleeding, do you happen to have my coat?"
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
im currently assessing the tequila situation in preparation of your arrival
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
I just walked away from a youth soccer tournament popping every birth control pill I had left in the pack.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
I've grown it out to 70s proportions. I'm calling it my chastity pelt.
Bitch are you kidding? 2016 is gonna be the year our pussies run for president
Between randomly bursting into tears and the reappearance of my lost sex drive, this break up has left me bizarrely damp.
We were covered in sweat and glitter, making out onstage, in front of everyone. I think it was a good night.
Normal people find beers in their gym bag, right?
Randomize
