And i was thinking, 'i'm happy to be underneath you, but i wish you weren't doing THAT.'
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
my ass has officially been on the floor of every fraternity on this campus
and who said we didn't have goals?
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Tonight is one of those "I'm wearing a shirt as a dress" nights because I need to get laid.
I have no idea. I woke up naked on someones toilet locked in the bathroom with two baby kittens.
GO AHEAD, BITCH, GLARE AT MY WAFFLE ONE MORE TIME. I WILL FUCK YOU UP.
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
I mean, I Just Had Sex in 4 on her top 25 most played list. That's got to give you some indication
He literally took a shit in my bathroom and then broke up with me.
I'm playing drinking games with a boy who looks like Liam Hemsworth. I think I'm fine.
Blowing a married man is so much more important than a 12 year olds basketball game.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Friday is the holy day of drinking. Thou shalt observe the Sabbath. It's in the bible. Look it up bitch.
Being single again makes you realize how guys can go from licking your asshole one night to never texting you again
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