so she asking me "is it okay to have dangling labias?"
I love that we get drink and call each other crying. It's kind of our thing.
I didn't know it was possible to throw up mid-sneeze.
No one actually likes Tequila. They just accept it as a fact of life. Like hpv.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
Shit, I may have left some acid in your bathroom last night. Has he been in there lately.
there COULD be a gas leak in our house... proceeding to smoke with extreme caution...
According to this USDA thing I just read, I should either get upper respiratory issues or begin to bleed from my nose and mouth.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
I just did a drunk experiment to find out what it looks like when you turn a burner on the stove on while wearing night-vision goggles. I may be blind in my right eye now.
I just saw a fat girl roll down the steps taking out three people with her, thought you should know.....
They better not charge my debit card for what you peed on.
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
Dude I pissed in her little brother's closet and when I tried to flush the doorknob her parents came out and saw me standing there naked, no more ambien for me
If you wanna fuck the pudding, fuck the pudding. Just not the chocolate, Im gonna eat that.
Randomize
