so the guy who showed me the apt today is now texting me and asking me out for drinks...he's at least 20 yrs oldr than me and highlights his hair, but part of me is wondering how low i can talk him down in rent during sex? wrong?
Can we get blazed at 9:06 on sunday and reenact the moment of my birth?
I get to be your mom.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
Katelyn drunkenly ripped the soap dispenser off the wall so we decided to call it quits
Just took an adderall with a shot of tequila while doing my makeup in the parking lot at work before I go in. I'm also late. They're so lucky to have me.
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
She ran over a curb, took out a yard-sale sign and hit a fence before admitting to me that she may be losing her vision "a bit". Never letting grandma drive again.
it was like a shit fog rolling out of the east to encompass me and have it's way with me
He pushed a skinny white blonde out of the way just to tell me "you have the finest ass, like ever."
I have never loved a nerdy white boy this much.
I see your creepy poodle photo and raise you a shirtless elderly gentleman who looks like a yetti in cutoffs who may or may not have an ENORMOUS erection.
.... touche....
so I was eating out this girl who was wearing my pirate hat In an alley behind the bar last night and some girl walks up and takes a picture. apparently we had a crowd of about 10 and it turned her on so she just didn't tell me
I'm at the point in my life where I'm gonna sell my eggs for cash
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
Phone keeps correcting good morning to "food moaning" and I like the way it thinks.
I had a dream that I was smoking rasberries out of a bong. THEY WEREN'T EVEN DRIED...
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