i think i may have caused an international incident at the french embassy, just fyi
hahaha how?
its a long story involving a horse trailer and some shrubbery
me and my sister are feeding my dog poprocks. this is proof you don't need a lot of money to have fun.
This kid is drunk.
I hope by "this kid" you mean yourself and not some child you have kidnapped and gotten wasted.
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
do you remember yelling at the waitress that you were a power bottom?
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
'Well you know, stuff happens' isn't really an excuse for sticking a cheeto in my ear
I believe you called it tequila and nipples. The proceeded to strike a pose.
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Drunbk and roasting marshmallows on my stove. Accidentally singed the catr's fur but she'sd alright.
I'm sorry but if you can't drink a bottle of wine without a glass, I do not think we can be friends.
Why is the clock ticking so loud? Now I know how Captain Hook feels.
Okay let's look at your past accomplishments you've done hungover... Sat great score, academic decathlon, state for track. I think you are solid to go out tonight
don't give me stepladders when i'm stoned.. i woke up to a slice of balogna nailed to the ceiling
You tried to eat your way through the wall. Like you literally tried to eat drywall and insulation.
Randomize
