Pish posh, there's never a bad time to eat food off my body.
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
I don't know, but I don't want you to think its ok to show up at my house at 4 am with a gorilla suit and a bucket of pinnapple and think id be ok with it
Text me when you wake up so I know you're ok. It's really worrisome to get home at this hour and find 3 men passed out in my room but no you. Love you, goodnight. :-)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
Well at least it wasn't the first time I threw up out of a second story window
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
I just saw a stripper light her nipples on fire. Im terrified and impressed all at the same time
Made eye contact with his twin sister the day after he gave me a lifechanging blowjob. Do you think she knows?
All I remember is while we were making out M.A.A.D City came on so I pushed him off of me so I could rap along.
I JUST SENT A TOILET SELFIE TO THE WRONG PERSON.
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Can I just swipe right on his dad?
Randomize
