if you don't start talking to me i'm gonna tell your gf that you said she tastes bad
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
I bought a goldfish, named it after my ex-girlfriend, and let it die. It's really the little things in life.
that's like riding a pigeon when you could fuck a bald eagle
so you told her it was a 'nam scar? i mean, how old does she think you are.
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
and then she started to quack like a duck and u started throwing bread at her
I like using largw condoms because they are more comfortable but also I feel bad because it's like false advertisement
I just used "et al" in a sext. I thought you'd be proud
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
My gynecologist just said "don't worry, this won't be as hard as…well…" A FUCKING SEX JOKE NO
Want to help me look around town for my shorts from last night?
Omg she's a human wrecking ball. I love it.
I am to reach this level of casual destruction.
He can sense you did cocaine and had park sex with a large ginger from Australia last night.
Randomize
