you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
When god put her together, he was drunk & feeling creative... a vagina here, sexually ambiguous breasts there, and a pair of shoulders that would make a linebacker jealous
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
In fairness it was pretty good sex, but I still wasn't expecting the mass cheering and applause he got on leaving my tent
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
Remember those girls from the bar? The tall and short blondes?
Is this a story I am going to hate you for?
five cans of playdoh and a game of guess whose penis ...
The object of the game was to pour tequila into a sombrero and drink as much as you can before it leaked through, 'Big Papi' won.
I think I puked in the middle of sex last night if that's any indication as to how drunk I was.
I hate that I still want him to look at me as the vagina that got away.
He's got a british accent, a tounge ring, and he's wearing an eye patch... Of corse I'm fucking him
Don't worry about us we're making Mac and cheese
MAC AND CHEESE ABORTED, WE HAD FIRE
To the woman who just heard me unscrew my flask in the Denny's women's bathroom at 10am: discretion isn't required but greatly appreciated.
Did you at least share?
After everything I’ve done… had sex with people off tinder, gone to clubs and bars, gone to hockey games…. I get Covid at GRANDMAS HOUSE
Randomize
