She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
i just compared eating a chick out to "gargling a cheeto"
My mom wanted me and my brother to have some bonding time before I left for school. Our bonding time consisted of us smokin a few bowls then goin to Red Robin to cure the munchies. Ooo how I love family time :)
The iPad is going to make my porn collection SO much more glossier... thanks steve jobs.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
I don't know why people felt they couldn't use the toilet with me passed out in the tub. I shut the curtain. It was like being in another room.
the last thing i remember is yelling at the cab driver that i'm really good at drive by vomitting.
My hands always smell like pizza crust when im hungover.
We need to step up our tailgating...they're here drinking out of a prosthetic leg
She went to her drug test stoned.
And strangely enough, we all know she'll pass it.
Only thing exciting about him was his dick.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
He actually said the words 'I miss you' followed by 'I wanna have sex with your face'. I'd say that's a win.
I remember being like "I can't hold both of you guy's hair back!" so I put headbands on each of you
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