Me hooking up with her is like rush being president. Bad news.
If a girl is wearing Ed Hardy from head to toe, does that make her a douchebagette?
He just asked me if I ever had the urge to put a zucchini in my ass.
The tricky part is not getting sand in any orifices. Or is the plural orifi? Orifi don't, we'll both be unhappy...
Just walked in and was handcuffed to a police woman. Fire fighter woman poured franzia down my throat. Aaaaand I just ate cookies off of Little Red Riding Hood's tits.
So then I proceeded to the kitchen to make my "specialty," which consisted of a frozen veggie burger topped with peanut butter. I guess he ate it too.
Sometimes you gotta say "hey, its been a long semester. Let's puke before 10"
I have family pictures in an hour and a half and I'm 9 beers deep. This is how I get written out of my grandparents will...
Until this weekend, a man hadn't made me orgasm since the night Obama was elected. Now THAT is change I can believe in.
I understand that just don't try to seduce me while making frozen pizza again.
He just yells "mush!" as they're having sex.
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
She moved all of her stuff out while we were gone. Shit in the toilet, and didn’t flush. So yeah it went well.
fucking him is like fucking old faithful. you could set your watch by his orgasms.
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
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