Masturbating after my cheeseburger. It's unavoidable.
I told my girl, that I use to jerk off to Star Trek. All she says is, "Oh my gawd, you're such a trekie!". If I was her, I'd be weirded out more than me being a Trek Fan.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
She is just riding on my slutty coat tails.
Withdrawals are gods way of saying "you're still my bitch"
She got called into work early but she left me a note that had directions to her roommates stash of weed on top of a two bacon and egg mcmuffins. I think I win.
You forgot the part where I played Slip and Slide with my own puke and fucked up my knee.
We had a threesome and he gave us bottle rockets and a lamp for our apartment
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
My boobs keep hanging out of this shirt. I think thats the style I'm going for tonight
Always a gay best friend, never a bridesmaid
How ya feelin' champ?
Like a million bucks that was soaked in alcohol.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
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