she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
he is fucking friends with his exwife on facebook, but he defriends me after 3 dates? am i that crazy?
He's a fan of Alicia Keys on Facebook. It doesn't NEED to say 'interested in men'.
Just before going down on me she said, "I need a hairband for all of the jobs I'm about to perform."
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
and i'm going to kill you for what you did to my nipples last night. of course i want to hang out
Yea we slept in ur room but im 80% sure we didnt have any peanut butter in there
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
You called a girl at 4:30am to tell her "your pussy is my top priority" while simultaneously Urban Spooning late night cafes.
We haven't been trashed enough to shut down a bar together in four days. I'm starting to worry that we're growing apart.
Things I have learnt this week: bubble mix is toxic. Extremely toxic.
come home. i made deep-fried hotdogs; don't let me die alone.
He had all the grace of a fucking hippo and the emotional control of a five year old
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
Pooping to opera.
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