I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
He's trying to get everyone in the bathtub for a team meeting about how we're gonna find his car. Which is parked outside. Think we should cut him off?
Did I crawl through the hotel lobby all the way to our room?
We were all drunk for the whole flight. Steve doesn't even remember the cab ride to the airport. At 6am. Says he "blacked back in" at security.
His sombrero wouldn't fit in the car and I had to buy him some Jack to make him stop bitching. You owe me
we had break-up sex in a port-a-potty. how do you think it went?!
Thats alot of pressure.
Just on your vagina. BTW I'm passing your house.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
I'm just sayin. If your gonna cheat go for someone TOTALLY different. Fucking her twin would be a waste.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I did it on acid. I can cook bacon on any condition
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
Just used the word fistfucking in a serious conversation with my professor in front of the class, while making an appropriate and valid point. Win.
Last night when we were having sex he put the condom on backwards the first time. While he was putting the second one on I blew up the first one, made it into a balloon and hit him in the head with it. I think we're over the honeymoon stage.
Randomize
