shes the kind of girl i dont like to talk to unless my penis is in her mouth.
She's helping me study for the final by writing the vocab words all over her body.
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
she blew me in the men's room in the restaurant. it was a french bistro, so it was okay
You handed some guy a spoon you found, he yelled SPOON GAME, and then the two of you spent the next 20 minutes throwing spoons all over the kitchen.
You try staying up all night fucking a guy with a curved dick and see how much you want to go out after that.
Wow. I feel like a bad friend. My fuckbuddy wished you a happy birthday before I did. The reality of that just hit me.
Fall is here I will miss walking downtown in nothing but paint and pasties
I have to make calls today at work. So I'm gonna call your phone and leave some random messages. Just delete them.
Beer. Pizza. Seething Rage. I will be full of two of these things tonight. You get to decide which two.
I need to stop challenging people to taking off clothes. I win too often
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
is it still the walk of shame if his dad gave me a 'thanks for sleeping with my son' head nod on my way out this morning?
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
Randomize
