Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
I'm good, just tired from chardonnay and giving hand jobs.
when the lights went off, all i could see was the glowing of the camera light in the closet... i got the fuck out of there so fast.
you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
life is sad when you just turned 21 and youre doing late night rogaine runs...
There are beer cans & oyster shells along the side of the road. I belong here
Lesson learned. Whipped cream will eat through a condom.
Don't let me forget to bring the toilet inside tonight.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
Dude where are you? I've been here an hour and all I've done is get head from a random in the stairwell.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Can't tell if it's the drugs or science magic, but I *THINK* that mouse just turned into a squirrel.
You know you were really drunk last night when you woke up and had someone else's jacket with their car keys and medical marijuana that you wore home from the bar and no sign of your actual jacket.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
We are gonna play a game I like to call what the fuck is in my pocket
Randomize
