if there is a rhyme for it it must be true
im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
so im in the parking lot of taco bell eating a taco...and some girl just got out of a car and screamed at the top of her lungs "XANEX FOR SALE!!!!" i fucking love Hamilton.
I must say, I don't like the act of throwing up, but the feeling after is quite delightful
Anderson Cooper interviews Obama. It's like CNN is teasing and broadcasting my dream 3 way.
Capitaan dildo arrescate!
the level of his annoyance + every insult he makes = the closer I am to telling him im fucking his ex
I wish my dick could take responsibilities for his own actions
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
Just make sure my intervention has a theme...
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
I fell asleep giving a handjob, had a sex dream about giving a handjob, and woke up giving a handjob. Life.
Randomize
