you left your dildo in my car
rules of finders keepers apply
The best part was her genuine shock and total "I didn't know" look when we said she couldn't cook a steak in a microwave.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
I found the pot of gold last night, and it was full of bad decisions.
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
She just sat there, all alone, with a bottle of booze. And the dog. He even looked like he didn't wanna be there with her.
I inspected his penis with a mini flashlight to check for visible stds...he was clean
Chicken wings don't come back up an through your nose as easily as you'd think
We had to leave after he was in the middle of the street yelling "Balls of Steeeeeeeeel!!"
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I fell asleep with a half eating burrito in my hand and woke up to cat vomit with burrito in it.
i'm high and self actualising, please send help
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
I ACCIDENTALLY MURDERED MY COUSIN
HOW DO YOU ACCIDENTALLY MURDER YOUR COUSIN
Mid thrust, say hold on I need a pic for my friend.
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