I think scott just propositioned me for sex
I accidentally asked my mom for a blowjob because 'mom' and 'molly' are next to each other in my address book.
it's one of those mornings where you are proud of yourself just for waking up.
My co-worker just asked me if i colored my hair. Time to take a shower.
Pregaming class all semester has made this final review session more like my introduction to the topic.
I JUST SHOOK HIS GRANDMOTHER'S HAND. WITH COCK HANDS. THIS IS NOT FUNNY.
Besides the flaccid incident, it was decent. Average sized. So this is my life now. Loneliness and lackluster sex.
We found him in the neighbors shed using a bicycle as a blanket. We just left him there.
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Yes. Amanda is the only option and I want cake so I can sacrifice my vagina.
No shame December is a go.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
but I truly enjoy making out with my best friend more than my boyfriend
so apparantly i made out with 24 santas last night...and an elf...and a stoner
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
Randomize
